Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
