Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
