by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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