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• (773): View more from Illinois

  so I'm never txting u again after today...

  (248): View more from Michigan

  y?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ha...too late

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday

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• (516): View more from New York

  You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.

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• (518): View more from New York

  You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.

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• (714): View more from California

  You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.

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• (+42): View more from

  I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.

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• (559): View more from California

  Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else

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