if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
