id be glad to
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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