I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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