im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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