Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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