Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
