Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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