I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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