Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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