He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
