OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
