she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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