this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
