I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
