She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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