so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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