Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You pole danced in your parka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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