I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
