I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Two words: blizzard sex
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
