So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
