I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
