she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize