escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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