Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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