i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
