Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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