My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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