I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
