We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
