Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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