dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
