And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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