I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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