Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
