I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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