And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
