She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
