Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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