grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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