This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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