I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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