Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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