Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
