people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
