Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
