In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
