Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
