I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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