I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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