its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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