Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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