WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
