i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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