I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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