I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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