If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
