dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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