Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need moral support for this bender
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
