At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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