I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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