remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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