Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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