Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
