i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
