I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
