I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
