Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
