I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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